Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. Families are about love overcoming emotional torture. I pledge impertinence to the flag waving, of the unindicted co-conspiritors of America, and to the republicans for which I can't stand, one abomination, underhanded fraud, indefensible, with Liberty and Justice... Forget it. I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I will do it again. When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. Where do babies come from? Do not bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called 'making love'. Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and t-shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said 'sex is good'. All available evidence, however, points to the contrary. Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come. |
