Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're all on the road to the grave - but there's no need to be in the passing lane.
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
The Playboy calendar this year has some tip-top models. Any more top and they'd tip.
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
Things are getting so confused out there, they ought to call it the Muddle East.
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.