Don't take it on yourself. Forget now. Live. You cannot catch a child's spirit by running after it; you must stand still and for love it will soon itself return. Let you look sometimes for the goodness in me, and judge me not. Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. I cannot sleep for dreaming; I cannot dream but I wake and walk about the house as though I'd find you coming through some door. I love her too, but our neuroses just don't match. I know that my works are a credit to this nation and I dare say they will endure longer than the McCarran Act. I have made more friends for American culture than the State Department. Certainly I have made fewer enemies, but that isn't very difficult. I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran away. But it always crept on to my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it is my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent to its broken face, and it was horrible....but I kissed it. I think one must finally take one's life in one's arms. He wants to live on through something-and in his case, his masterpiece is his son. all of us want that, and it gets more poignant as we get more anonymous in this world. |