I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it--and that's all I got.
What we don't let out traps us. We think, No one else feels this way, I must be crazy. So we don't say anything. And we become enveloped by a deep loneliness, not knowing where our feelings come from or what to do with them. Why do I feel this way? Last week, I was on top of the world and now my feelings don't make sense. Voicing it, getting it out and letting other people hear it, helps to dissipate it. The fears and self-criticisms begin to leak. And we begin to heal. In the same way, if we feel deeply about something and voice it, then we're made whole by standing up for ourselves and what we believe.
The more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are all facing choices that define us. No choice. However messy is without importance in the overall picture of our lives. We all at our own age have to claim something, even if it's only our own confusion. I am in the middle of growing up and into myself.
I think God leaves me alone to let me find my own strength because no one else can give it to me. Sometimes it is very lonely. But I know the lonely times teach me the most. I must let go in order to let anything in. No one can love me, for me. Take a big walk protected in the trees. I miss the time before today.