You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.