I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.