I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effect of intoxication.
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
I can believe anything provided it is incredible.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
He must have a truly romantic nature, for he weeps when there is nothing at all to weep about.
The mind of a the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, with everything priced above its proper value.
From the point of view of literature Mr. Kipling is a genius who drops his aspirates. From the point of view of life, he is a reporter who knows vulgarity better than any one has ever known it.
Frank Harris has been received in all the great houses once!
Few parents nowadays pay any regard to what their children say to them. The old fashioned respect for the young is fast dying out.